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[09 Jul 2009|06:43pm] |
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I'm having a Dinky Bossetti kind of day.
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| And Ike rolls in his grave... |
[09 Jul 2009|05:55pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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J. and I are addicted to the trainwreck that is America's Got Talent, season 4. We've been pleasantly surprised that the obligatory "kiddie" acts have been consistently good--either honest singing ability (the three siblings with the disabled mother were amazing), or young dancers that obviously have worked very hard and put together good routines (TJ and his Little Mamas in all their juvenile hoochieness crack me up, okay?).
So keep that in mind when I say...ugly little Caucasian girls that look like the progeriac juggalo should not be onstage noodling on a giant Casio and singing, of all things, PROUD MARY.
Sharon Osbourne has replaced Piers Morgan as my favorite judge, because she had the good sense not to give the precocious chickenfaced brat a pass to Vegas. The other two put her through anyway. Mommy and Daddy backstage were ecstatic to be riding their offspring's lack of talent all the way to Sin City.
If this becomes a repeat of last season where they kept pushing that lisping toddler along that warbled Disney tunes, I'll have to give up this guilty pleasure.
Proud Mary. Jeez.
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| Paging Oprah, line one... |
[08 Jul 2009|06:01pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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Did you all hear about this?
Northeast Philadelphia pool club decides the POOL'S CLOSED to African-American campers who already paid for membership, because...their melanin might "change the complexion" of the club. Not my words, the club president's.
So I look the bigoted turds up and decide I'm gonna call. First I think I'm gonna rip them a generic new asshole for being stuck in the goddamn time warp of Woolworth lunch counter sit-ins and separate water fountains.
Then I remember when Tracy Morgan was calling this racist golf country club on Crank Yankers (I looked for a video of the sketch, but no dice...sucks because it's one of my favorites). I decide I'm going to put on a big urban Ebonic patois and ask about purchasing a membership and get them to squirm while I record it for the lulz.
Alas, their voicemail is full. But the message they have is so unintentionally hilarious I wanted to vomit. "THINGS ARE REALLY HEATING UP HERE AT THE VALLEY SWIM CLUB!"
I VOTE WE ORGANIZE A PISS-IN.
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| Dun dun dundun dun dun dundun |
[07 Jul 2009|04:06pm] |
The eval. nurse called back and scheduled my appointment. I go rap with the surgeon on Friday, and probably will get PET scanned and MRId and all manner of stuff that will make me feel like this:
J. picked up the radiology report last night. They're of the mind that I have a neurofibroma, which is almost exclusively benign, but they'll probably want to chop it out anyway. Go me! I hope I get a neat scar. Fuck laparascopy, I want a big fat incision with staples and shit.
Also I can't find my stapler again. It is not a red Swingline.
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| MIGHTY PUTTY |
[07 Jul 2009|11:25am] |
I had this awesome dream where I had this swingin' Jetsons-esque apartment with a circular piano where all the keys looked like jigsaw puzzle pieces and I was playing a mean boogie-woogie for a gathering of very hip people. It looked like the crowds on one of those old Playboy After Dark shows. I wonder why Shel didn't put in an appearance.
Then Will Smith showed up and gave me attitude and I told him to go get fucked by Xenu and kicked him out the window. He made a nice plop when he splattered on the pavement, and I went back to my boogie-woogie and making sparkling conversation.
So here's Leroy "I draw Femlins" Neiman chatting with Hef for you.
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| Doctor Doctor, gimme SOME news... |
[06 Jul 2009|04:06pm] |
Okay, finally talked to a human with a degree in something other than secretarial skills. The evaluation nurse was very nice and told me all the stuff I need to either get or have faxed over, and once that's done she'll set up an appointment for me on Friday.
I also talked to my BIL the doctor, who set my mind at ease, because what with all the telephone runaround I was starting to get wigged out.
"Basically you had the bad luck to have all this happen on a holiday weekend," sayeth he.
"Well, shit, I'm ready to hop the jitney and head to the Hamptons, storm the first golf course I see, and scream 'ONE OF YOU FUCKERS LOOK AT MY LUNG ALREADY!'" This got a chuckle. He went over a basic list of shit it most likely could be. I've never had pleurisy but I've had wicked bronchitis more than a few times in my life so it might could be scarring, and since I'm completely asymptomatic as far as any pulmonary conditions go, it could be something congenital that means nothing atall-atall...I've never had a chest scan of any kind until recently so I'm thinking that idea could have merit.
I have a bar of Lindt Extra Creamy and I'm gonna eat half of it and go read a book.
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[05 Jul 2009|02:45pm] |
We went to the 1890s Fair at the local UU church. It was cute, and J. bought an old camera on the cheap that he is now tinkering with. They had rescue greyhounds that I played with!
We also got a very groovy something for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) grundig666 and yugari but it's a surpriiiiiiise :D
I can't find my big red purse, the one with all my damn sunscreen in it. This pisses me off.
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| Up all night *ooooooo yeah yeah* |
[04 Jul 2009|05:15am] |
Mooooo, I slept all day and forgot to make all the phone calls.
Minnie went to the vet for her tasty injections and is disgusted with us.
Specialist didn't call back, so I have to try again Monday and get all bulldog with them. If they do surgery I want them to video it and to give me the lump in a jar so I can keep it forever and take it to anti-choice rallies and thrust it at the fetushuggers.
Scanning the Events section of the papers to find something to doooooo (Bonnie, I am not going to Port Jeff for fireworks, woman. YOU CANNOT PARK THERE ON A WEEKEND WTF.)
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| Siannan is not Kaycee Nicole |
[02 Jul 2009|07:17pm] |
Oh, ferchrissake, people! I appreciate the well-wishes, but I ain't dying or dead as far as I know. I'm assuming I'll have to get some kind of biopsy (YUCK) and THEN we'll see if you can start digging my grave.
Save your tears for the Iranian democratic process, please. :)
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| results of latest scan: |
[02 Jul 2009|04:52pm] |
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mood |
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 surprised |
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2x1cm mass in right pleura.
Referred to specialist.
Still, wtf LUNG? I always knew it would be some kind of growth, but not in the LUNG. I figured I'd have a boob fall off or my pancreas explode. Lung, jeez, that doesn't run on either side of the family. Even the smokers didn't die from lung stuff.
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[01 Jul 2009|05:17pm] |
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[insert cartoon here of Karl Malden at the pearly gates saying "DO YOU KNOW ME?" and flashing his AmEx card to St. Peter, which I would draw if I wasn't completely bushed today]
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[28 Jun 2009|04:31pm] |
IT IS A CAPSLOCK DAY IN HONOR OF BILLY MAYS.
THAT MAN LIVED IN ALL CAPS.
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| RIP |
[28 Jun 2009|02:33pm] |
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[27 Jun 2009|09:51pm] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY puckgoodfellow YOU DIRTY IRISH MICK!
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[27 Jun 2009|09:45pm] |
Comic books, lobster roll at PJ, photos, and a pineapple iceberg at Ralphs.
THIS DAY HAS BEEN FUCKING PERFECT, and my hair looks great, its all twirly ringlets.
J. let me buzz his pate. I keep rubbing his scalp and saying "gooniegoogoo!" just to annoy him.
What should I do tomorrow?
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| Good news, bad news, wtf news, old news |
[26 Jun 2009|11:55pm] |
Sooooo...my GP called about the scan results.
Good/WTF:
he did not see any kidney stones. Buh, okay, so why's it hurt? Oh wait, he couldn't tell me, because he had his receptionist call me after he went home. Harrumph.
Old:
he says my ovaries are exploding with PCO-ness. I bet they look like giant PO-TAY-TOES or something.
Bad/WTF:
He saw something in my lung. MY LUNG? WTF? So I have to go for an actual specific chest scan now. Oh great. WTF LUNG? I don't smoke! I never worked in asbestos abatement! I was 60 miles away from Manhattan on 9/11! CHARLES GET OUT OF MY LUNG CHAAAAARLES
This is peculiar and upsetting. :P
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[26 Jun 2009|08:19pm] |
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The sky was the most extraordinary orange color. I went outside and twirled around in the backyard. Bliss :)
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ecstatic
